Guardian Archives     
Upgrades Detected
<< Previous
Next >>

Cousin's Visit
Jun 12, 2007 - 08:40pm
mood:  blah
music:  AFI - The Leaving Song Pt. II

One of my cousins was over for dinner at my parents' on Friday night, so I gladly joined the rest of my family for that occasion. I've hardly ever seen any of my cousins due to how far away they live, let alone get to know them. Anyhow, he moved to Alberta from Thunder Bay, Ontario about a year ago because of the booming economy up in Fort McMurray (in northeast Alberta, has all the tar sands which are in huge demand now, thus the jobs), and he was in Calgary on Friday to meet some executives in relation to a new job he was applying for. He got it too, which is nice to know. It was good to see him again, although it's hard to converse with someone you hardly know. It's sad to think of your own cousins as strangers.

My weekends have been pretty boring other than that, unfortunately. It seems like a lot of my local friends keep having other things on the weekends which make them busy, and... going out alone to do stuff just isn't much fun... Besides, a lot of activities cost more money than I'm willing to spend on a regular basis. :|

I signed up on an online dating site on Sunday, per the suggestions of several people. I had taken a personality test on the site years ago before the site had turned into a dating site, so I was offered a one year free membership there. I figure I should make use of that.

I think I've become kind of critical of online dating because I can't quite grasp how an online relationship is supposed to be different than an online friendship since there isn't any of the physical component involved. I mean, it's not like I'm a very physical person anyways and that's not terribly important to me for the most part, but it still makes me wonder what the difference would be. I think I've had friendships deeper and more meaningful than that.

Furthermore, there's the issue of distance. It's not like it'd be impossible to move somewhere else if I wound up finding someone incredible, but it wouldn't be ideal or practical if I had no other reasons to move so far away either.

Accept Mission

The Lights Are Dead!
Jun 5, 2007 - 09:59pm
mood:  shocked
music:  Vision of Escaflowne OST III - Arcadia

I'm currently powerless! Lightning struck either my building or some electrical lines nearby around 7:30 MDT because my place is almost entirely without juice. I saw a flash and the crack at the same time and was in the middle of thinking that it was awfully close judging by both the light and the sound being right together when everything suddenly went out. I was like, "o_O Uh oh..." Fortunately I had already finished cooking my pasta, so the stove shutting off wasn't a problem for that immediate meal.

It's kind of weird, though, because the stove's clock and my phone's modem (it's a cable phone) both have power, but the actual elements of the stove and the phone itself don't have any electricity. Neither does anything else. Also, it seems that only some units in the building were affected. I tried the fuses in my own apartment, but they didn't help. I guess that makes sense if it's not just my unit.

Anyhow, I managed to find a neighbor that had power flowing through some of his outlets, and he thankfully let me use his phone to report the outage to the power company. It sounds like they may be a while, though, because of a large number of outages across the city. The neighbor also let me keep the few refridgerator/freezer items I had in his fridge/freezer, so I'm certainly very appreciative of that. ^^

So I am currently writing this from my parents' house!

2 Accepted
Accept Mission

A King Triton Spotting!
May 30, 2007 - 08:22pm
mood:  amused
music:  .hack//Liminality - Talkin' About Mystery



God I love Stella XD
Accept Mission

Relay For Life, Movie, Guitar, Big Decisions...
May 30, 2007 - 12:08am
mood:  excited
music:  Incubus - Privilege

I volunteered to help with the Canadian Cancer Society's Relay For Life event after I e-mailed the volunteer coordinator there, an old friend, about adding my new address and phone number to their database and getting a request for volunteers for the event in response.

I assisted with the set up of the event Thursday evening. It was rainy and cold that day. I'd stupidly only brought my '04 Relay For Life t-shirt and a light jacket. You'd think I'd remember from past events to bring more clothing in case of nasty weather. I mean, most of my body was fine with the jacket on, but my hands were freezing due to having to pick up and carry around tables and chairs that had been sitting out in the cold for a while. Nevertheless, I enjoyed helping out and was reminded why I've spent so much time and energy volunteering with the CCS in the past.

I wound up agreeing to help out during the evening shift of the actual event the next day because of my satisfaction. Besides, you only get the new t-shirt if you volunteer on the day of the event, and I didn't want to miss out on that. It's a collectable and a real memory-evoking souvenir. ^^

I agreed to the task of wandering around with a big "Ask Me!" sign and answering people's questions. Not generally my kind of thing, but what the heck. I figured it was something I should do rather than avoid. There wasn't much else to choose from at that point anyways.

My brother elected to help out with clean up and assistance in the food tent. Actually, I wasn't aware he was helping out too until we happened to come across each other Thursday night. I guess we both got the e-mail.

It was nicer on Friday while I was doing my Ask Me! patrol through the field of team tents, although there was still enough of a cool breeze that I once again wondered why I hadn't brought along a long sleeved shirt to put underneath the new Relay For Life t-shirt. I mean, not like I have a lot of potential candidates. My wardrobe has lots of random t-shirts and jeans, but is pretty pathetic in other categories. Up until a few weeks ago, I didn't have anything green other than a single pair of underwear... St. Patrick's Day has always been interesting as such. o_o; Er... wait a minute... that sounded naughty. ._. I meant that it's been a challenge since I have nothing else and wore the underwear underneath my jeans one year, but... not like I was going to pull down the tops of my jeans a little for most people upon being asked where the green was with the threat of a pinch looming.

Okay. Woah. Got way off topic there. o_o'''

So I need to get some more basic long sleeved shirts. That's a future commitment. Many people wore white ones underneath the blue t-shirts to match the white writing and logos on them. I thought that looked good; I think that's what I'll do next year.

I wish I could have participated as I did in 2004. It's so hard to put together a team, though. I hardly know enough people as is, never mind getting people to commit.


I saw the third Pirates movie on the following Saturday evening. It was pretty awesome, but man was it ever packed in there. The girl at the box office desk informed me that the 9:30 show only had 6 seats left while the 10:00 only had 1. Go figure how the later one actually had less.

Anyhow, I went for the 9:30, and I encountered some difficulties finding a seat despite zipping over to the theatre as quickly as possible. I knew right off the bat that any seats in the middle area were probably a lost cause, so I immediately aimed for the ones further to the back. Nevertheless, it was "I'm afraid that seat's taken" one after another. With only 6 seats left in the entire theatre, I was starting to worry that I would wind up roaming across half the place before I found an available seat. Fortunately that wasn't the case; I found one right at the back. ^_^

Chinook's always busy, even when there aren't a bunch of big movies having just been released.


I was waiting on something I'd ordered online for a while, which was kind of worrying and annoying. You see, I'd decided I wanted to get it over a month and a half ago, but I was first stuck for a bit due to the remaining credit limit on my credit card being too small to fit it in until the next payment in the following month. Then there was a credit reversal on an item I had previously bought which was incorrect and had to return which I had been hoping would make enough space to go ahead and buy the precious item I now wanted. Well no, once the reversal went through, it was clear that the remaining credit limit was off by only a little bit. Gah! That's so annoying! It's like a tease!

Finally, finally, finally, the next payment went through (in fact, the payment date fell on the weekend, so BMO paid on the following Monday, setting it back even further), and I made my order. Then over the next few weeks, nothing happened other than my online MasterCard account going screwy with my remaining credit limit getting reduced down to a very small amount while no transactions appeared in the unbilled transactions section. Like WTH? My best guess is based on what I know from credit card processing at work. It seems you can put a credit card transaction through the machine, but it doesn't actually go through until it gets "posted". So maybe they'd put my order on my card but not posted it, and my account took the money expected to be used out of my remaining credit as a way to reserve it to make sure it isn't used for something else in the meantime.

The saga continues. I got an e-mail tonight saying there was some kind of glitch on my order and it never went through... and has now been cancelled. I'm encouraged to re-order, though. Fuck. Well I'm not going to take another chance on the online ordering system, especially in that the message seemed to be an automated one rather than a personalized message (thus, has this glitch really been fixed yet?). I'm going to call the number they provided as an alternative tomorrow and try to order it that way.

So at this point, it looks like I won't be seeing the actual item until two months have passed by since I made the decision to get it. Argh. That's frustrating. However, at least it gave me a fair amount of time through it all to double check that I was sure about this. I don't like jumping into things and abandoning them; I have a bad habit of doing that sometimes, mostly on the important stuff which is stupid.

Ah... Why am I being so secretive about this? I guess I've become a bit more comfortable about talking about it in the months since my initial choice. Besides, I'm afraid some people are going to start thinking it's an inflatable doll or something. And my brother probably already knows by accident anyways.

I've decided to try to learn to play the guitar. It sounds tough and I'm awfully embarassed about it for some reason (thus why I won't even walk into a music store locally), but I figure it's better to give it a shot than give up before I've even tried. I'm bad enough with defeatism as is.

It's not like this is out of the blue for me. I'd inwardly thought about it on and off for years, but I don't think I ever got to the point of actually thinking about doing it until recently.


There's something else that I've decided to start with after many, many years of considering it and nothing else working to fix the problem, but that one's definitely even more personal and embarassing on the basis of traditional gender roles.


I wish I had someone to talk about this kind of stuff with right now. I know many of you guys have offered and maybe I'll eventually open up a bit more than I have, but I find it extremely hard to talk about core issues with anyone other than a super close friend - and I seem to lack one right now. I don't make friends easily, never mind really close ones. *sigh*


Incubus is apparently coming to town in August. I'm not usually a concert person because of my overbearing social anxiety (whereas most people will draw the conclusion that I'm not into music, which I guess I can understand how it would appear that way), but maybe I'll check that out nonetheless. I love their stuff.

Oh yes, my .hack//Liminality soundtrack arrived today, which is awesome. I had a long and frustrating experience with this endeavour too. Basically, I originally ordered it through Amazon last August, and it was put on delay... and again... and again... and again... for months and months and months. I started thinking I'd better just cancel the order and try going through one of the third party sellers in Amazon's marketplace. The order was actually cancelled by Amazon not long after that with an explanation that they couldn't get it, and I went the way of the marketplace. My wait was fortunately very short upon finding a seller in the marketplace.

3 Accepted
Accept Mission

Back to Mac!
May 19, 2007 - 01:31pm
mood:  accomplished
music:  Incubus - Circles

I finally got a computer on Tuesday of last week and the internet, cable TV, and a cable phone on the following Sunday. I decided I'd try the cable phone service because the cable company gives slight discounts for everything you add to your package. I figured bundling the phone in there as well might save me a few bucks. Besides, it saves the hassle of dealing with both a cable company and a phone company. Only one bill per month!

Anyhow, back to the computer. After a bit of thought and getting fed up with Windows and the unbelieveably slow Dell at my parents' place, I switched back to Apple and got myself one of the new iMacs. Before getting out-voted several years ago and the resulting introduction of the Dell to the family household, we were a Mac family. Even while using the Dell, I used the old Performa to edit pictures and create graphics (yes, most of the ones you see me posting everywhere!) since it had Photoshop on it and also to keep track of my finances because it had a spreadsheet program while the Dell lacked Excel.

I still have the Performa actually. I decided to take it off my parents' hands because I can still use it for my finances and some occasional help with graphics even though I purchased Adobe Elements for the iMac. Besides, the Performa has been so great. It's not just a computer anymore; it's also an old friend. Maybe that's kind of silly, but I love that machine despite its limitations when compared to today's computers.

The iMac's been pretty awesome so far. I've been checking stuff out whenever I have the time to. I've never used any version of system 10 before, so it's a combination of re-learning old things and learning new things.

There are some drawbacks to switching straight from Windows to Mac unfortunately. I have an old Toshiba laptop with Windows 98 on it as backup in case I need a Windows environment again for some reason, but it doesn't have much hard drive space (about 1.5 GB) and not much memory. I bought it used many years ago, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's actually not much newer than the old Performa considering the limited specifications.

I managed to download a shareware FTP program for the iMac, so I can now update the files on my website again! The software looks pretty good, so I'll probably wind up buying it. Ugh, I didn't want to start using iWeb. I'm a pure source kind of guy. ^^


As for work, I think I've reached the point where I've finally figured out and learned enough essential tasks that I no longer feel lost and confused when asked to do something that no one had ever trained me to do.

I'm currently running queries at work to gather data on the number of people who participated and how much was raised in one of my organization's largest events. I finished the one for 2006's event for the person who requested it this week, and now they'd like the same for 2005 as a comparison. The fun thing about it is that as I go through the process, I'm discovering some duplicate entries in the database - some of which are actual transactions that went through twice rather than just one transaction that was mistakenly data entered twice.

I came across some poor guy who wound up paying his registration fee x2 in 2005 because my ex-boss ran his credit card through twice due to what looks like two photocopies of the guy's registration form floating around. I'm a bit shocked to see something like this still sitting around from 2005 without any apparent credit reversal, though. You'd think the guy would have noticed on his statement that it went through twice and phoned us about it. o_o


My parents are away until June 16th. They're in BC right now, partly to occupy the new condo they bought there (with the intention of eventual retirement) and also to continue assisting best they can with Nana and Poppa. Nana has been diagnosed with some kind of neurological disorder; they're not quite sure what it is but suspect it's Alzheimer's. As such, a whole swack of concerning situations have developed in the past few years, like Nana's mood swings back and forth, her doing unsafe things like running across the road in front of traffic, the questionable health of Poppa and whether Nana can properly take care of him anymore, and even just the breakdown of communication because of how scrambled Nana's e-mail messages are due to her condition. The last one is actually the most worrying because we'd get these e-mails that said something like, "Poppa lettuce walk dog dead". We would already be in a concerned state, but receiving a message like that only made us fearfully wonder whether she meant that Poppa had been walking the dog while Nana threw out a dead head of lettuce from the fridge, or if Bailey (the dog) had died, or... heaven forbid the other possibility.

I also got into a really stupid spat with Mom and Dad a few weeks ago before they headed off... I missed Mother's Day because of that, and now I feel rather guilty about it. I suppose this month long period of them being away may help to give me some time to figure out what to do about that, but... eh.


Meanwhile, my brother is home at my parents' for the summer. I went over there briefly on Thursday after work to get some stuff and discovered him eating peanut butter on Melba toast. Gah! I've done similar snack-meals in the past myself; that's not something you want to make a habit of. I invited him over for chowder Friday night, and he accepted. I'm glad he came because the evening was probably more eventful than it would have been if I had spent it alone. I just hope I didn't bore him too badly with anime night afterwards. I mean, he looked interested to some degree in that he hadn't seen these particular shows before. However, anime's not his favourite thing really. He loved Initial D as I understand it, but that show held appeal for him because of the cars and racing in it.


I'm totally hooked on Incubus right now. I think I mentioned before how I bought Light Grenades a while ago. Well I also got Morning View and Make Yourself more recently, and they're awesome. They've got a great sound. I also got Year Zero on the day it was released, and that one's pretty good too. Reznor's still putting out original stuff.

I've added some other CDs to my collection too, but I think listing them all out would be anal. Suffice to say, I'm satisfied with most of my purchases.

Amazon finally informed me flat out that they couldn't get the .hack//Liminality soundtrack for me after so many months from last August when they kept sending "Your item has been delayed" e-mails. I'd already been pondering just cancelling the order and going through a third party in Amazon's marketplace for months before the final message; now I've ordered via one and the CD's already been shipped off. Yay!


There are a few other personal decisions I've made recently that are good, bad, and somewhere in between, but I can't talk about them in a public journal.

2 Accepted
Accept Mission

Apartment Update
Mar 31, 2007 - 01:00pm
mood:  accomplished
music:  Gundam Seed Destiny - Pride

I've settled into my place surprisingly well over the past three weeks. I've managed to avoid laziness and maintained a strong level of organization in doing what I need to do at home. It's kind of weird how that is with me. It's not the first time I'd noticed it either. There have been times in the past when I was living at home where my parents would go away for a week or so, and I'd suddenly totally switch from being someone who only does the bare minimum to taking over everything that needs to be done for myself.

Some good examples of the odd and sudden behaviour changes in this situation: shaving regularly, showering regularly, making my own meals regularly, eating actual meals regularly rather than snacking on junk food (of which I've made the strategic decision to not have them in my place to ensure that I don't), and getting up at the required time every morning without the assistance of a family member to prod me into getting up.

Haha, I make myself sound like such a lazy slob in my years of living with my folks. Well maybe it's true. ^^;

I think I'm most satisfied with my successfully planning out grocery shopping when I need it and making good meals. I've already done several recipes from the cookbook I have, and many have turned out awesome. I found that I had to alter the contents and/or proportions of most, though. Take the Spanish rice for example. It was originally supposed to only have 3/4 of a teaspoon of chili powder and only 1/8 of a teaspoon of garlic powder. I pulled out the smallest measuring spoon I had which was 1/4 teaspoon, envisioned half of that, and was like, "...what the hell? That's nothing." I might as well have dabbed a tiny amount of garlic powder on my pinky finger and dumped it into the massive amount of rice, ground beef, and other ingredients... which would be pointless since I can't imagine it having much of an impact on the flavour in such a small quantity.

So I went with x4 on the spices! 3 teaspoons of chili powder and 1/2 of one for the garlic powder. I know that spices are expensive and you don't want to be going through them quickly because of that, but c'mon. It tasted GREAT. :D

Then there was the corn chowder and the wild rice soup. Both turned out awesome too but required their own modifications. I don't get how some recipes manage sautéing with such small amounts of water/oil/butter/margarine/whatever. The non-liquid foods start drying out and even burning if the required temperature is insanely high. There's a chowder recipe I've used several times at my parents' place that called for a small amount of water and about 3 or 4 times as much cod, onions, celery, and whatever else was in the sautéing portion of ingredients. Then you're supposed to crank the temp to boiling right off the bat and watch the tiny amount of water evaporate in a matter of minutes while the food burns on the bottom of the pot despite constant stirring. @_@

Anyhow, I've had fun making and eating meals despite the recipe alterations and the amount of time they consume to put together. ^^


As for furniture, I now have two basic lounging chairs as well as the two table chairs I picked up a few weeks ago (three table chairs in total), so I have something to sit in to watch TV.

I also bought a VCR/DVD player, although connecting it up to the 25-30 year old TV my parents gave me turned out to be a bit of a challenge. It has hardly any connections at the back and doesn't have the video and audio slots at all. I mean, it only has one speaker on the right side, so I was expecting that perhaps it would only have one audio slot rather than the two for left and right you normally see on newer TVs. But nope, not even that. It has an RF connection at the front for the antenna, a UHF/(something or other) connection at the back for the other range of channels via antenna, and an "MPX Out" thing at the back. That's it. I looked up the MPX connection, and it seems to be pretty much a dead connection. It was planned to be a major outlet that would be compatible with all sorts of gizmos and gadgets... and then never went anywhere. It was kind of disappointing to learn that because it was the only slot that would fit in a regular video/audio cable (but didn't work of course).

So I wound up getting my DVD player to display on the TV by hooking up the RF through a coaxial cable to the machine. The sound quality seems to be degraded sometimes because of the less than ideal connection and I have to disconnect the actual antenna to use the RF for the DVD player, but it works. I'm not sure what my brother did for all those years when the TV was used with the VCR and other devices at my parents' place because the connection was coming in through the back somehow, not hooked up on the RF at the front. I tried the UHF connection with the coaxial cable, but it doesn't work like the RF one.

The screen is bleeding anyways, so I think I could use a newer TV. XD I have a friend at work who offered one of her mother's extra TVs; I'll probably go with that. Even if the TV isn't ideal, I suspect it'll be better than what I currently have. I hope it's analog too. I have to say I'm not impressed with the new digital flatscreens. The old TV I have now was replaced recently with a new flatscreen at my parents' house. Both my dad and my brother keep commenting on how clear and bright the screen is, but I keep seeing pixelization all over the screen and even grainy-ness in certain spots, often when there is less light. They got one of the higher end ones too - some of the less pricey ones at the store had a brutal amount of blurriness and pixelization.

...Am I making any sense on this? I admit I'm no techie when it comes to electronics. When I say digital versus analog, it's on the basis that I assume the newer screens I was seeing at the store are built more like computer screens than like classic TVs. Many of the TVs at the store that weren't flatscreens had the same pixelization effect, so it doesn't seem to only be a flatscreen trade-off.

I don't know. Maybe I'm the only one concerned about my TV's picture quality being in the range of a compressed Flash video on a computer.


I'd planned on having a house warming this evening with some friends at work, but it was cancelled due to them having a bunch of reports to work on over the weekend for school. As such, I guess I have a little more time to get some furniture and decorative materials, etc.

As it turns out, though, another friend is having a board game night tonight, so I can replace the house warming with that as my social event for the evening. My only regret is that I'll miss the hockey game against Vancouver tonight. I wish I could have watched some of the game against Minnesota on Thursday night - we scored twice in the first few minutes of the game apparently, Iggy (Jarome Iginla, the captain of the Flames) got a hat trick (scored 3 goals in a game), and we won the game. Apparently we also won the game against Minnesota on Tuesday, so that's pretty awesome in that we beat them twice in a row, both on the road. We've been awesome at home this year (best in the league for home games) but awful on the road for the most part.


I went to a friend's birthday party last night. She worked at the place I currently work at up until a few months ago. It was at a bar, so that sets the general picture of the setting right there I think. Despite some of my friends' intentions to get me drunk, I called it quits after four beers. ^^;

You know, I wasn't giving any serious thought about the price of the beers last night; I just put the cash down last night to pay for it. I've been thinking about it ever since I got up this morning, though. It was Kokanee on tap (or supposed to be anyways). The end amount was $31. *pulls out calculator* So that's $29.24 after the GST is hacked off and $7.31 after the division by four. Damn. I mean, seriously. $7.31 for beer on tap? I thought tap was supposed to be cheaper. Hell, I've never had beer in a bottle at a bar that was that expensive. I think the highest price I've had for a beer before that was $4.75 or perhaps $5 (those were bottled).

Maybe it was Kokanee Gold. I noticed that it seemed darker than normal, but I wasn't sure if it was the lighting or something. It didn't taste that great. But then I don't like beer or alcohol period anyways, so... pfft.

Anyhow, it was fun. I had a good time once the alcohol kicked in. And even before that although less so... so it must have been a good party all in all. Some of my friend's friends were rather quirky/fun, which was cool. I think the quirkiness increased steadily as the alcohol consumption increased. XP

EDIT:
I've been informed that I was probably drinking pints at the bar, which isn't the same size as a bottle or can of beer - approximately 1.5 times the size I think. So that may explain the price jump. It was still on tap, though. Perhaps the rest of the priciness is based on the bar being downtown where rent likely costs more.

I guess that also means I actually drank about 6 bottles of beer, which helps to determine why I was fairly wobbly from just four glasses. o_o'

Accept Mission

Moving Out, Moving On?
Feb 25, 2007 - 05:16pm
mood:  restless
music:  AFI - Kill Caustic

So I'm finally moving out. I got myself an apartment last week and will be moving in next weekend. I admit that I feel somewhat satisfied with myself in setting the course to independence and also having successfully done what I said I would do so many times and never did... like so many things in my life. However, the odd thing is that most people I break the news to are actually more excited about it than even I am.

There are so many things I'm trying to keep track of and plan on for the move, but I'm sure there will be things I hadn't realized I would need after the move. You know, little things you take for granted when you've been settled at your current residence and lifestyle for years that are so common and routine that it doesn't occur to you that they would no longer be there upon uprooting yourself and going elsewhere. It's sort of like how you leave the house to go somewhere sometimes with the feeling that you've forgotten something but can't place your finger on what exactly it is and brush it aside as a ridiculous anxiety - and then you realize what it was upon reaching your destination when the need for it becomes apparent due to a situation that requires it.

I suppose I'll need to get a phone eventually, but I don't think I'll get it right away. It's one more thing I'd be paying for every month, and I'd prefer to get settled in with my new place and my modified financial situation before tacking on any further recurring expenditures. I recognize this may make things difficult, though.

Along the same lines, TV, a DVD player, cable, and the internet. I recently got some more anime series, but I won't be able to watch them in my new place. What timing. I could always watch them at my parents' of course, but I don't think it would be a good idea for me to form too much of a continuing attachment to their house and amenities or I won't learn to live on my own. I don't like the thought of missing anime night on TV on Fridays either! *cries*

One of the series I got was Escaflowne. I'm rapidly re-watching it, and I have to agree with what I read on the internet years ago - the real theme song is better than the techno tune that was made for the American version on TV. I mean, I never had a burning hatred for the techno one like other people, but the Japanese song definitely has more depth to it. ...And I'm also seeing the parts that were edited out of the TV version. I had always wondered what the heck the doppelganger did to Miguel. In the TV version, you saw his long fingers approach Miguel's shoulder from the darkness behind him and then you saw Miguel's eyes with a look of shock in them. Then it became clear that the doppelganger had killed him, but how exactly not so clear. I'd always assumed it was some weird mind ability he either already had or gained from the priest he took the body of to cause an aneurysm in his brain or some kind of deadly nerve pinch thing on the shoulder. Well no... The unedited version makes it quite apparent that Miguel was in fact strangled to death.

I also got Neon Genesis Evangelion because I've heard a lot about it but never had the opportunity to see it on TV. Fafner and a bunch of other animes supposedly got many of their plot ideas from NGE, so I want to see the original famed series. I don't want to rush through it like with Escaflowne since it is my first time with it and want to enjoy it slowly, as I would the first time for any show aired on TV. As such, I guess I'll just have to wait until I figure out what to do about that after moving.


There isn't much new at work right now other than we're running out of time. I've finally finished posting almost all of December to the database now, but we're still waiting on two batches that are missing information and can't be posted until we have that information. It's very aggravating, and it makes me feel like I've failed to finish December, never mind January and February. I ran a query for a co-worker to print off some more tax receipts for the other entries from December, so we can at least get those out the door.

Oh yeah, 2 more people are quitting. That brings the total number of people who have left since I came to 18 and leaves only 3 people within the organization who have been around longer than me (5 months), with only 2 of those 3 here at the office in Calgary.


Going out with the girls on Valentines evening fortunately didn't turn out as I had feared it might. They didn't bring their boyfriends after all. I guess they had planned to turn Wednesday into a mere social evening and leave the romantic stuff to the weekend or something. I should have known better with my annoying co-worker coming along.

On that note, I can't get my mind off of my personal life... or the lack thereof. I have no friends, close or otherwise, offline/locally right now, and no significant other of course. It's the latter that bothers me the most by far, but I have such a hard time mentioning it to anyone in the slightest. It seems so embarassing, and I don't know anyone well enough to talk to about it or for it to seem appropriate or comfortable for me to talk about it. I've been in this phase many other times, but nothing ever came of it any of those times. Perhaps as with the moving, I might actually make some progress this time. Maybe. It would require confidence, though, and I still don't have that. Hell, I think I have even less than I did the last time I was so down about this. I somehow managed to pull off getting the apartment out of some kind of necessity/desperation, but I don't think building a relationship would be able to work the same way... obviously. Every time I think about it, it seems like I'd have to become someone else to achieve it. Even if I could do that, I could never be comfortable with it... I'd feel fake.

But every time I just "try to be myself", I wind up realizing there really isn't much of myself left. I feel so empty. Even when I'm not deathly nervous in social situations, I still can't think of anything to say or how to say it. My mind's just blank. If I can remember the small talk chatter that has been suggested to me, I can never deliver it properly. I don't know how to talk about the weather for 10 minutes, nor do I care much about the weather at the core of it. Communication is such an essential thing within human society, as with intimacy, but I seem so distant from both. Beyond the face to face difficulties, I'm finding it harder and harder to communicate in a textual medium online, which isn't good. The online world used to be the one place where I could open up, but now even it is shrinking, or I am shrinking from it.

I feel like I'm disappearing. Sometimes I don't even feel that I am a person. After all, I don't really have any interests or outright passions. I don't have a life. And I don't see myself having a future, as much as I try to visualise it.

Accept Mission

More Work Related Stuff
Feb 9, 2007 - 07:19pm
mood:  moody
music:  Incubus - Dig

I bought the new Incubus album, along with several others I'd been meaning to get for a while. I think it's pretty good. ^^

Two more people were let go of at work last week, which brings the overall number of people who have left in the last four and a half months since I've been here to 16 (4 due to the closing of two of our regional offices). That leaves only 3 people still in the office who were around when I first started. Non-profit turnover is generally high, but this is ridiculous. @_@

There are three practicum students who were brought in to help with our education department in January (by one of the people who left soon after too). They're all young and female, so my data entry colleague has been elated about that from the moment they got here.

Anyways, I bring it up because the guy invited me to hang out with them last Saturday night. I don't even like him very much, but I guess my desperation for some form of offline socialization must be pretty high because I actually accepted his cell number. In the end, I wound up choosing to stay at home as I was tired, moody, and really didn't feel like going out and spending money to go to some bar or club to hang out with someone I don't enjoy the company of. Besides, the Flames were playing that night.

Now the girls have gotten all pouty because I didn't go. They've convinced me to go with them to a stand-up comedy show on the evening of Valentine's Day. I didn't originally have any interest in it, but I figured I should go out this time. They also threw in bowling beforehand. I'm not crazy about the game, but I guess it may wind up being kinda fun.

The only problem is that most of them have boyfriends/girlfriends that they'll probably be bringing along, so I'll likely be the third wheel. :(

And my co-worker is a guy who seems to be primarily interested in girls with a nonchalant attitude towards anything else, so he'll most likely be busy hitting on whatever single female friends they bring along. *eye rollage*

I'd like to meet someone myself, but I don't think this is the type of situation I would personally find appealing for that or to find the right person. But then what would I know? Ugh. Of the three students, I admit one of them seems interesting to me. She's the one who has been with her boyfriend for five years, though. It's almost always the ones who are already taken who are the greatest, right? Seems that way from experience anyways. Is it that a stable relationship builds confidence and understanding that you don't see so often in single individuals? I suppose that works inversely for me since I've never been in a relationship and have practically no self-esteem. Of course, I don't think a relationship would take off without confidence present. Haha, I'm screwed with a Catch-22!

We're also doing a platonic secret Valentines event at work. It's been fun, but my stupid co-worker has it in his head that I have an actual crush on the one girl I got. You see, I originally got one of the other three and he got the one I have now, so I traded with him since he didn't really care which one he got. I mostly did so because this particular girl has been nice to me, though, and my co-worker has been nasty to her sometimes which I don't appreciate very much. He keeps bugging me that she's the single one, but... ack... I don't want to say anything mean... Well I guess she's intelligent, but she's kinda ditzy at times too.

Anyhow, we'll see how Wednesday goes. :/

Accept Mission

Filling Big Shoes
Feb 2, 2007 - 01:18am
mood:  stressed
music:  Deftones - Elite

More ups and downs in my life. I was in a pretty low spot at the end of November and start of December with all the stress of my jobs plus some personal issues, but then I started to really learn how to do things at my full-time job and work became less confusing, easier to do... and actually somewhat satisfying.

Then my boss quit early in January, leaving me as the only one to do her job since the agency director isn't inclined to hire someone to replace her right away. Additionally, my boss had been assuring me that she would teach me how to do various things, teach other people various things, and leave her cell phone number with us in case we needed any further assistance.

Well she taught me two things I needed to know in a rushed half-morning before she left, which I appreciate, but I found out after she was gone that she had in fact not taught all the other things to the other people. I keep running into situations with one particular person where I casually mention that one of these tasks should be started on soon, per what my boss had said, and he just stares at me blankly and informs me that he was never even told that he would be doing that task, never mind any training on it. :/

Then there's the fact that we've had an insane level of turnover in the past six months, so all the new people (which is the grand majority of the staff) don't know any of this stuff better than I do, and the few oldbies that are still around know almost nothing about the database (they don't even have the program installed on their computers).

I've been looking for any kind of guides lying around that have a written record of how we do certain things, but it looks like my boss didn't make any such guides. I can take a look at the help pages of the company that makes the database program and call them for support of course, but their help is more generic from what I can tell. They can't tell me how my organization specifically does things of course.

I'm receiving e-mails and calls from people in the local office and across the province on all sorts of things, 90% of which I'm completely lost on and haven't a clue how to deal with properly.

On top of all that, we're behind on the data entry by about half a month, behind on the batch posting by almost two months (double checking the data entered for mistakes and then adding it to the database), and behind on sending out tax receipts by 2+ months. I'm rather worried about the latter because I haven't yet been able to figure out what kind of order my boss was going in with the printing of the receipts. It's not chronological; I'm finding that there are some October and November donations that have been printed while September ones haven't been. I'm afraid that even if I can eventually catch up before tax season approaches, there may still be unreceipted stuff lying around in the database that I'll have to somehow track down... which eats up more of my time... and sanity...

So... yeah... It's starting to get a bit more stressful again. :(

Accept Mission

Staff Christmas Dinner
Dec 2, 2006 - 10:26pm
mood:  good
music:  Best of Babylon 5 Soundtrack - The Big Battle

I went to the Christmas dinner for the organization I work for last night. It was at this incredibly small Italian restaurant. The place was packed despite being so tiny, though, and the food was quite good.

They served either brushetta or salad as appetizers, and I chose the brushetta. However, the brushetta at this place was unlike any brushetta I've ever had. First of all, it had cheese on top. I'm not a huge fan of cheese and don't particularly like it most of the time, but I admit there was a certain practicality in having the cheese keep everything on the bread. Usually a bunch of the tomatoes fall off as you eat it. ^_^;

Then I detected something fishy and salty in it as well and thought it was oysters. Everyone was thinking I was crazy until a co-worker started eating hers and declared that she could definitely taste something fishy too. We eventually came to the conclusion that they were probably anchovies. ^^

I also had three glasses of red wine, which is the most alcohol I've ever had. As I explained in a previous journal entry, I don't care for alcohol, but it serves the purpose of removing some of my pesky introvert nature. I have to say that I couldn't really tell any major difference between one glass of wine and three. I'm already a little bit off balance after one (Body Mass Index of about 19 :P), so it was pretty much the same upon completing three.

No hangover in the slightest this morning, so I guess I haven't reached the point of getting drunk yet. To be honest, I don't really have any intention of ever hitting that stage of alcohol consumption. It just seems silly to me to drink that much, waste so much money on the alcohol, risk acting totally stupid because you're drunk, suffer the aftermath later, etc. when you can get basically all the benefits of drinking from just the first few glasses/bottles.

Many staff from the organization's regional offices were there too. The person heading up the Edmonton office was there, and I was surprised to see how young she was. I mean, I was used to the young age level of employees at the Canadian Cancer Society, but that hasn't really been the case at the office here in Calgary for this organization. Anyhow, she was really nice and provided a lot of fun conversation, as was another guy from the Lethbridge location. Apparently he's legally blind, and yet you wouldn't know it from the way he interacts!

We also had a gift exchange where we bought an inexpensive item, set it on a table, and then picked someone else's from the table later. I actually got something this time; usually I forget about those kind of things and feel bad about it. The fun part was that people could steal someone else's chosen gift if they didn't like the one they picked. As such, we had several rounds of people stealing certain gifts back and forth, which was rather amusing. ^o^

~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
Accept Mission

Fafner!
Nov 19, 2006 - 12:27am
mood:  happy
music:  Fafner Soundtrack - Track 14: Fafner (An Oath)

I'm a bit excited with the arrival of my Fafner DVDs earlier this week (along with the soundtrack of course ^_~). I'd found the series in a regular video rental store and wound up watching the first three volumes from there. Unfortunately, none of the rental stores ever had any of the DVDs past the third volume, and eventually those disappeared too. I decided I liked the 12 episodes that I'd seen enough to warrant buying the series since I'd probably be watching it again beyond just watching the rest of the show.

I saw the first episode of the fourth volume Thursday night, and it answered so many questions I had been left hanging with for so long! I'm going to try to hold back my eagerness and keep to watching only one episode a week so I can enjoy it over a larger period of time and not spoil it all in one sitting. ^_^

~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
Accept Mission

Stupid Work
Nov 8, 2006 - 10:32pm
mood:  distressed
music:  Myst Soundtrack - Above Stoneship (Telescope Theme)

Augh! My boss is driving me crazy!

Top annoying things about her:

No apparent concept of personal space. She sticks her face extremely close to the proximity of my face when talking to me, puts her hands all over my shoulders sometimes, reaches to point to something on the computer screen with her arm right in my face... etc.

Continuing on the point that she doesn't seem to understand personal barriers, she has the annoying habit of plopping her hands down on the back of the chair sometimes if she doesn't put them on my shoulders instead. She puts all her weight into it, so the back of the chair tips back, forcing the bottom part into my back.

Still more personal space issues, except this one's kind of dangerous. When explaining things while holding a pen in her hand (which is... always), she tends to wiggle the pen RIGHT NEXT TO MY EYE! Damn it. >_<

She's always asking "Are we happy? :) :) :) :) :) :) :)" of me and the other data entry guy with an absurd look on her face. I think the smileys summarize it effectively.

She's always asking "Are we happy? :) :) :) :) :) :) :)" TEN $#%&ING TIMES in the period of an hour! No, I'm not any closer to enlightenment than the last nine times you asked!

Often something weird will come up in the work that I require clarification on and she totally misses what I'm asking and drones on about how to do the normal routine that obviously I already know and wasn't asking about.

For instance, I found an entry this morning where the person who wrote it up said there were two parts to be put in but gave only one amount to enter, so I went to my boss to ask if I would have to split up the amount in some way between the two parts or put it in as only one part. She takes one look at the sheet and starts rhyming off to me how to data enter this type of entry, ie: codes, the date, what the amount written on the sheet is, and the overall program this is going into. Everything I already knew. I try to explain to her that I already know all that and try to re-explain the actual question. She just gets frustrated and rattles off again what the codes are, points to the date, points to the amount, tells me what program it goes under. Damn it! That's not what I was asking! Then she takes a harder look at the information on the sheet and 30 seconds later she informs me that the person who wrote up the form did it incorrectly and that there are two parts on the page but only one amount - all as if she hadn't heard me say it and had apparently just discovered it herself. WTF?

In another incident later this afternoon, she called me in to show me a spreadsheet she was working on that I would later be data entering from. She told me about how she was having to delete rows out because all sorts of different parts with different codes and belonging to different programs were mixed in together. Then I forget how we got onto it exactly, but she started talking about how some of these parts seemed to be from a past month's spreadsheet and said something that confused me on which spreadsheet I'd be working on exactly. So I sought clarification:

Me: So I'm going to be working on that spreadsheet...? *indicates spreadsheet currently being worked on by her*

Her: No, no, no, nooooo! You're going to be working on this spreadsheet I'm working on right now! *points to same spreadsheet that I pointed to*

Me: ...okay.

So that's the list. I'd add more, but it'd just be more useless ranting.

I'd say something to her about some of this stuff, but first of all, I'm too polite. Second, I'm honestly not sure she'd understand what I'm saying judging by the really poor communication we have going with everything else.

I'm not sure how long I'll remain at this job. *sighs*

~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
6 Accepted
Accept Mission

Gundam Seed OST Track Listing
Oct 9, 2006 - 12:30pm
mood:  productive
music:  Gundam Seed OST II - Track 3: Invasion of ZAFT

I created a track listing for the soundtracks, if it is of any interest to anyone:

http://www.guardianarchives.com/GundamSeedOST_TrackListings.pdf

~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
Accept Mission

Post-Thanksgiving
Oct 9, 2006 - 12:00pm
mood:  happy
music:  Gundam Seed OST IV - Track 3: Stand Up! Anger

Well the Thanksgiving evening was excellent. I had a pretty good time, and I have to say that I think I consumed the most alcohol I've ever had. I wasn't drunk, but I was definitely a little tipsy after two glasses of the red wine. My brother found it funny that I had a low tolerance, but I think it's great since that means I wouldn't have to spend a great deal of money to get a buzz. :P

I have a low body mass for a guy, though, so it's no surprise. I thought there was some kind of conversion where a glass of wine equals a bottle of beer, and I've had two bottles of beer before. I'm guessing the heavier concentration of alcohol in the wine meant that I was taking in the same amount of alcohol in a shorter period of time, plus there was less water to dilute the alcohol in my body.

Anyhow, it worked like a charm. I don't like alcohol and I hardly ever consume it, but it does indeed remove some of that pesky introvertedness in social situations. The evening was a blast.

The food was great; the company was great. It was a wonderful Thanksgiving all 'round! ^_^

~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
2 Accepted
Accept Mission

West Coast Photos
Sep 25, 2006 - 10:41pm
mood:  ecstatic
music:  Gundam Seed OST II - Track 31: Strike Combat Mission

The Gundam Seed soundtracks came today and man were they worth the wait. They're AWESOME. No exaggeration there whatsoever. I've listened to all but the fourth one so far, and I haven't heard a single track I don't like. The series has so many great background tunes!

The only downer is that most of the song titles are in Japanese, so I'm not sure what to write down for those I post in my LJ's music line. ^_^;

If anyone's thinking about getting them, they're the Original SoundTracks (OST), 1 - 4. And don't be confused by Gundam Seed Destiny; that's the series that comes after Gundam Seed. There are quite a few CDs that pop up when one searches for "Gundam Seed" on Amazon!


Anyways, without further ado, here are the pictures from the west coast that I have been promising:



A great blue heron wades through the deeper waters to search for fish.

More pictures )


And for those who might have missed it, check out The Adventures of Harold the Heron! :D

~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
8 Accepted
Accept Mission

Harold the Heron!
Sep 15, 2006 - 08:30pm
mood:  creative
music:  Star Trek II - Battle in the Mutara Nebula

As a prelude to the west coast photos that shall be posted soon, I present:



~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
2 Accepted
Accept Mission

Buller Pass Hike
Sep 10, 2006 - 07:44pm
mood:  calm
music:  City and Colour - Save Your Scissors



One of many beautiful shots of the surrounding rock, lush forest, and baby blue sky.

More pictures )


~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
1 Accepted
Accept Mission

More Nature Pictures... Finally!
Sep 4, 2006 - 09:40pm
mood:  accomplished
music:  Mobile - See Right Through Me

After the news of Steve Irwin's death, I suppose it's ever more fitting to put up an entry with photographs of wildlife. I'm afraid I don't have any crocodiles to display, though. :P



Our usual nesting robins had four offspring this year, and all survived!

More pictures )


EDIT:
I also saw some white-crowned sparrows a couple times, foraging busily beneath a bunch of thick bushes. I never managed to get any pictures of them, though. It was so cool to see them, however, because I hadn't seen any native sparrows before that (other than the juncos). House sparrows originally came from Europe and aren't part of the same family of birds as the native sparrows.

~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
10 Accepted
Accept Mission

Survey
Sep 2, 2006 - 02:15pm
mood:  bored
music:  Billy Talent - Red Flag

Okay, I'll do the survey too :3 )

I finally figured out which Gundam Seed soundtracks I wanted from the slew available on Amazon and ordered them. Now to wait and see if all of the themes I like are on them. ^_^;



~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
Accept Mission

Poem!
Aug 21, 2006 - 06:14pm
mood:  crazy
music:  AFI - Miss Murder

I have decided to share a poem I wrote that I must say turned out to be quite touching, inspiring, and full of feeling. Please let me know what wonderful sensations it evokes in yourself! :D


Ode to Binary

00110101101111011110111
001101101010001101
1010100011010111111100
0001010110000110101

001111110000000111110011000000
00110011010111111
0110100001010001111100011011
011100010111011000101011001

1111110101001101101010110
01100110010100001010101
0110110000010010111001010010101100
01001001110110010110011000110110

01011001101100000010000
0011001101001100011000000111
001101100010110101000
10111001010100111000011

11110010011001101011110110110001
10001100011011110000010110010101
00110010001001110001110000011
01101101101001100101000001011

0000101101001001100111000
01100000011111110001100111
001101011011100001000000101001
1100001101110111101111000100

0000000100011001111111001000001
0001100110110011000110100


~Centauri~
Guardian Archives
2 Accepted
Accept Mission

<< Previous
Next >>